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A Prayer for 2008-feedback plz by *CaptainQuirk:iconCaptainQuirk:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Sociopolitical > Fixed


A Prayer for 2008

If I could meet God,
All the parts and the sum,
I’d wish for so much for the year soon to come.

I really do wish
That we had all the answers,
The skill to cure AIDS and all types of cancers.

Looking back on years past,
Could there not have been peace
In Burma, Darfur, and in the Middle East?

Can’t God get people
To plant some more trees?
Or at very least, make them ditch their SUVs!

And I got to thinking,
It seems sort of odd,
But it doesn’t seem like I’m praying to God.

I’m praying to me
And I’m praying to you
Because here on the Earth, there’s so much still to do.

It’s all up to us,
What our own future holds.
Let’s try to do better as the new year unfolds.
©2007-2009 *CaptainQuirk
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Submitted: November 12, 2007
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Comments: 23
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Author's Comments

Hi. R&R please, I really want ppl's opinions on this.
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Comments


~Acey-Tetsu-Sensei:iconAcey-Tetsu-Sensei: Nov 12, 2007, 2:17:12 PM
God gives us free will. He allows us to do what we want with the earth. It's not him that lets all of this happen, it's us. Of course, any person who didn't believe in a god of some sort would have no other choice to believe that.

But yes, we all need to help with the crises that are going on or nothing will get better. We're all bums. I went to a website the other day to donate rice and another to help save rainforests. Of course... I didn't even have to get up off of my behind -___-. We all live on the computer or... in our SUVs with our cell phones, et cetera...

Uggh

--
Read this comic! ~> ~JSandE
*CaptainQuirk:iconCaptainQuirk: Nov 12, 2007, 4:33:17 PM
By any chance, do you mean thehungersite.com ?

--
:star:Rules are like paperclips: meant to keep things together, fun to bend, and easily twisted out of shape.
:star:There is no problem the human mind cannot solve or create.
:star:Step One is learning the ropes. Step Two is chewing through them.
~Acey-Tetsu-Sensei:iconAcey-Tetsu-Sensei: Nov 12, 2007, 4:36:45 PM
nah... I don't remember the site names, but that's definitely not one... I don't remember the layout.

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Read this comic! ~> ~JSandE
~emma-poinsettia:iconemma-poinsettia: Nov 12, 2007, 5:38:52 PM
I do like the message. Some suggestions though: In the line ending " soon to come", maybe take out soon? Just because it makes the last line a wee bit longer than need be for the rhyme scheme. Also, since the tone is kind of somber, you might want to remove the exclamation point after SUVs. Otherwise, jolly good work ol' chap!

--
“Develop an interest in life as you see it; the people, things, literature, music- the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself.” - Arthur Miller


"You are what you love" -Jenny Lewis
*CaptainQuirk:iconCaptainQuirk: Nov 12, 2007, 5:41:15 PM
Perfect! Thank you. I thought there was something funny about it.

--
:star:Rules are like paperclips: meant to keep things together, fun to bend, and easily twisted out of shape.
:star:There is no problem the human mind cannot solve or create.
:star:Step One is learning the ropes. Step Two is chewing through them.
*CaptainQuirk:iconCaptainQuirk: Nov 12, 2007, 5:41:29 PM
*funny like strange-funny.

--
:star:Rules are like paperclips: meant to keep things together, fun to bend, and easily twisted out of shape.
:star:There is no problem the human mind cannot solve or create.
:star:Step One is learning the ropes. Step Two is chewing through them.
~Scattle:iconScattle: Nov 12, 2007, 6:46:02 PM
I like it a lot!!

I also feel sometimes that G-d doesn't hear me when I pray each night. IT'S A PAIN IN THE ASS.

Advance Critique, peace and east don't rhyme 100%. Whatever, it still sounds great.

I agree with the SUV thing. WAY TO KILL THE PLANET, PEOPLE.

--
The world could learn a lot from a boy of crayons. Different colours all live happily together in the same box.
-Anonymous
~emma-poinsettia:iconemma-poinsettia: Nov 12, 2007, 11:54:43 PM
You're welcome.

--
“Develop an interest in life as you see it; the people, things, literature, music- the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself.” - Arthur Miller


"You are what you love" -Jenny Lewis
~Day-Dreamer07:iconDay-Dreamer07: Nov 20, 2007, 8:06:40 AM
I think this needs to be published, and sent everywhere....

It reminds me of the messages in John Mayer's last album, but with more hope...

this is simply beautiful.:happycry:and simply true.

I realize I'm being a pain in doing so, but I can find no critique for you m'dear. :aww:

--
:rose:I wish only to fascinate, and be fascinated. :rose:

~Gemi-QuarianStock ~ Stock, anyone? :)
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