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MaturityGrowing up means growing down,
deeper into the earth
until we are six feet under.
Maturity is not a badge of honour,
because the gleaming golden trophy belongs to those who will
punch and kick and undercut,
while the mature must settle for quietly consoling themselves
in their celebrated capacity for emotional abuse.
Perhaps we should be proud of our blank name,
Our battered and broken selves,
tucked neatly away into unacceptably present bodies.
And yet nothing can heal that,
the most crushing of loneliness
when one is wrested from the label under which
they once took solace.
Call me barbaric
Call me overlarge
Call me the unwanted moss on an otherwise manicured tree
But never call me yours.
I am mine,
but never tamed.
DarkI don’t want to be alone
I don’t want to be with them
Can I stay here in the dark?
Can the silence be my friend?
Tell me what I’ve got to lose
Tell me why I need to try
If there’s nothing going on
Can’t I let the days pass by?
With the lights out there is peace
There is warmth and there is calm
There is nothing else outside
Here I know I’ll carry on
Maybe I should move along
Blaze a trail and make my mark
But if nothing is worthwhile
Can’t I stay here in the dark?
Teenage TaoismGiving birth is the closest I’d ever felt to dying.
Before that, my near death experiences had consisted only of my silent announcement of pregnancy—silent, being that my social media accounts were all deleted almost simultaneously and I never returned to school in the fall, saying without really saying that I had caught the malicious disease of “teenage pregnancy”. I’m sure the whisper spread in the hallways like the Bubonic Plague. That September, sitting at home on what would have been the first day of my senior year, I imagined friends I’d never talk to again saying “she was only seventeen, and so full of life!” at my absence in the cafeteria tables, as if they were attending my funeral instead of talking about me behind my back.
"Full of life," I had snorted then, folding a never ending stream of what had once been my own baby clothes. "Literally."
I walked around like a zombie for the months of my pregnancy, deciding t
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