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How To Report The News5. When talking about a local issue, walk through the city while pretending you don't live there.
4. In introducing an international news story, you must display a picture of said country's flag, just in case people have no idea what country you are talking about and yet somehow recognize the flag.
3. Bombs, gunfire, storms, and earthquakes always "rock" the affected area. There is no other verb permitted.
2. All religions should be represented by the single most belligerent and insane person who affiliates themself with said religion.
1. If you have to choose between a fact and a pun, go for the pun.
The Coffee GodThe Coffee God behind the counter shuffles foot to foot, a dance of steam and espresso. Black painted fingernails, inch gauged ears and a gray striped sweatshirt, hood crooked on his back. There's a cigarette tucked behind one ear; it bobs and twitches with each step.
“Non-fat caramel latte,” he calls, just as he always does, part of a spell, part of a mantra, toneless (just a tuck at the end). I reach. He looks up.
The espresso maker hisses.
There's something like a grin, something like a spark, something like a shared secret linked eye to eye. When he passes over the drink (rough cardboard sleeve hot to the touch), he lingers. Our fingers brush, a shiver, a jolt, a ten-watt shock.
The Coffee God tilts his chin, shouts, “Hey, mind if I take my break now?”
and ducks around the counter without waiting for a reply.
He slips his cigarette between his lips without taking his eyes from mine. I follow him out the door.
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