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True Vampires pt 3 of 3Meanwhile, in a temperate forest that looked like it got a lot of rain, Edward was giving Bella the piggy back ride of her life. It was the piggy back ride of her life because she thought it might actually end her life. They tore through the icy air, bits of twigs whipping at their heartbreakingly attractive teenage bodies. Bella felt like throwing up, and dying, and screaming, and perhaps also chuckling. "Edward!" She chuckled. "I think I am going to die.""That's okay!" He chucked sexily. "I will protect you."On and on they flew through the trees until the manly forest sprite stopped in a large oak. Bella caught her breath, although she was still sniffling from hysterical panic."Oh, my god," she whimpered. "I thought I was going to die."Edward sexily sniffed her, like a wild animal sniffs its prey. Actually, that was pretty accurate. Immediately, Be
True Vampires pt 2 of 3Later that night, in another part of the city, a young girl walked alone through the dark alley. Suddenly a shadowy figured jumped out of nowhere. It landed in front of her, trapping her in a corner. Her heart skipped in fear."No, please!" She cried. "Don't hurt me.""I'm not going to hurt you," the tall and slender figure chuckled. He stepped out from the shadows, revealing a chiseled face and a sculpted body, or possibly a sculpted face and a chiseled body. No one could really be sure. He smelled like heaven and the terrified girl suspected that he tasted even better. But most remarkable of all was his skin, which scintillated - yes, scintillated, grade six word - under the moonlight.The girl stepped away in terror, and found herself with her back to the wall."Please let me go," she begged."Oh, I will," the sparkling stranger chuckled. He raised his eyebrows. Then he leaned in close to her and sniffed along her neck."I love you," he chuckled."I love you too," sighed
Umbrella RantI was listening to some music today and an old familiar song came up on the randomized playlist. It was a song I haven't listened to in a while, for no reason other than it hasn't been on my mind. It was a song I liked very much just a little while ago. It was Rhianna's hit song, "Umbrella."When the song first came out, it was overhyped and overplayed, so I automatically didn't like it. That's just how my brain assumes things; If Everyone is doing it, then it must be wrong. My prejudice, I know. Anyway, after the initial "Umbrella" frenzy died down, I gave the song a new listening-to. First of all, it's got a great tune. It just ... sounds nice. Not to mention Rhianna has a great voice. But I am the sort of person who generally pays more attention to the lyrics than to the music. So, let's talk about the lyrics.It is actually a really sweet song, lyrics-wise.
WNTW Power RangersWe open on a flashing montage of humourously parodied street signs. Our heroes saunter down the way, running into citizen after unfashionable citizen, and greeting them the only way they knew how. Through the magic of sarcasm and incredible taste in clothing, they improved the laymen's lives, inexplicably transforming them from normal, everyday people to normal, everyday fashionistas. The music ended, and the heroes took their place - centre stage, naturally.One was tall and dark haired. Her impeckably done makeup accentuated her inarguable natural beauty, while her outfit - which was just to die for, by the way - displayed her perfect slender figure in the most artistic of ways. The other, taller and dreamier, was no less of a winning example of fashion at its best. His clothing maintained the delicate balance between beauty and masculinity. He looked sleek and modern, with all the appeal of a hot-off-the-as
True Vampires pt 1 of 3The bar was dark and nearly deserted. It had unusually large windows for a bar, and they were framed by thick black out curtains. Tonight, the curtains were open, and through the dingy, grimy panes, one could see a crooked branch from a tree outside. Beyond that, there was nothing save for the clouds swirling around a full moon. If the window were moved over by a few feet, to look through it would also display the bar's blinking neon sign. The sign was not supposed to blink. It just did that. And just as well, because it was great for getting the attention of passerby. After all, who could resist a tantalizing name like "Night Life."Of course, this poses the question of why the bar was almost empty. Let's just say, it is very rare for this particular bar to get any repeat visitors. The dusty interior quickly turned most folks away. This was not the sort of place whe
Attack of the Ninja BunniesThe world was now at the mercy of the notorious ninja bunnies. What had started innocently enough as a series of experiments in genetic mutation and Japanese pop culture was fast becoming a danger that threatened to take down modern society. I, for one, am thrilled. I mean, really, does anybody actually like modern society? It's just one big rat race with a side of popularity contest and a generous dash of pollution for good measure. I say, welcome, ninja bunny apocalypse. Still... Still, it is always wise to have a back up plan.That is why we at Kaiju Tech Labs designed the ultimate battle machine in ninja bunny warfare. Let's see those cotton-tailed, carrot munching, shuriken throwing little buggers hop within a mile of this city. They've got no chance so long as we have Super Ultra Hyper Mega Tech Giant Flying Octopus (TM) on our side. Boo yeah!But, alas and alack, Super Ultra Hyper
Horoscopes for KaijuAriesToday brings you good fortune in the form of a large squirming offering. Your chemistry with the frenzied sacrifice may fall flat, but rest assured, she will be a tasty snack. Your lucky symbol for the day is the flaming octogon.TaurusYou will soon meet a mysterious stranger bearing gifts and a harpoon. Accept the gifts. Leave the harpoon.GeminiToday brings you conflict, although nothing for you to ruffle your massive feathers over. A tentacled competitor may attempt to infringe on your turf. Be prepared to defend it.CancerSpitting sulphuric acid may be fun, but its effects can cause long-term damage to your health. Remember, Cancer Kaiju, everything in moderation. Your lucky symbol for the day is a banner of random japanese katakana. LeoThe humans in your near future have been preparing for your arrival by treating their skin with chemicals that could be toxic to you.