Satan SpeaksHi there. Welcome to Hell.Aw, come on. Dont look at me that way. Im not so different from you yourself, dontcha know? Havent you ever complained about your work hours going on for all eternity and your workplace being absolute hell? I notice youre looking at me like youre almost disappointed. What? Do I not look like the Devil you had in mind? Did you expect me to have horns and hooves and a tail? Perhaps a goatee as well? Excu-u-u-use me, but its not exactly a uniform. I make my own rules, and damn it to hell (so the ball would be in my court), I wear what I like. Or, take the form I like, if that makes more sense to you.Come on, let me show you to Registration. Oh, but I wont be going in there with you. I dont like to deal with secretaries. Those people are evil.
Mechanical BloodlustComplications, infiltrationsLeave me reckless and annoyedCircumstances, second chancesLists of things I must avoidSo goodbye, so goodbyeIt's time to close the curtainsSo goodbye, so goodbyeOn this bloodstained circusCandy-coated, overloadedZombie-paranoidAll the things you wanted in meCrippled and destroyedSo goodbye, so goodbyeThe salty blood's gone stickySo goodbye, so goodbyeI shouldn't be so picky
How To Report The News5. When talking about a local issue, walk through the city while pretending you don't live there.4. In introducing an international news story, you must display a picture of said country's flag, just in case people have no idea what country you are talking about and yet somehow recognize the flag.3. Bombs, gunfire, storms, and earthquakes always "rock" the affected area. There is no other verb permitted.2. All religions should be represented by the single most belligerent and insane person who affiliates themself with said religion.1. If you have to choose between a fact and a pun, go for the pun.